Snapped: The Jilted Lover

Conductor,
This particular post is addressed to your counterpart, the driver, so feel free to enjoy your day off.

Driver,
So I think we can officially say that you and I are no longer friends. Fine you've been reading my blogs and I've made my relationship with the conductor open to the public but that is not reason for you to try and end my life. Haven't you been watching news? You'll be caught and it won't be pretty...ask Faith Wairimu.
That being said at what point is it that you thought "hmmm death by truck seems the best way for her to go!" because let's just be honest that was dumb coz you would go down with me. Although I do understand that this whole jilted lover thing does cause one to think irrationally although in this case you're the one that's treated me badly, shouldn't I be the one to snap and drive on the wrong side of the road?
I must say the light I thought was the end of the tunnel and turned out to be the headlights of an oncoming truck definitely allowed me to flash back for a second and I remember the following moments in our rather tumultous and exciting relationship:

• The day I got in the front seat and you were so convinced that I should go ahead and give you my number because even if I had a boyfriend, he doesn't have to know about us (thank you for making that easier on me, I was struggling to find a reason why this would be feasible)
• The day you so graciously dropped me in front of my gate as you escaped traffic and wanted to leave the motor vehicle and come in for a cup of tea...ummm does that include the rest of the passengers coz I'd have to buy more milk
• The day you got pissed and drove off in a huff because God forbid I had reached my stage and refused to go on a joyride with you much as it would have been the highlight of my life.
• The day you so angrily changed the gears because my bag was blocking all access to my legs that made you almost cause an accident...

I could go on but that would take all day. 

All I'm saying is, just because I chose the condi over you there's no need to try and kill me. But hey here's a shout out to you. Don't let this come between a bitter-sweet friendship that has allowed me and Mr. Conductor to carry on our hate/loathe relationship. 

While we're still talking...Uko na change ya ndovu? Sitaki condi anikasirikie tena....

An Avid Public Transport User

Of Panya routes and Mats

Conductor,
as you may or may not have noted, you have ceased to be dear to me for reasons known very well to me and my fellow public transport users. It has been a while since you treated me in such a way that would move me to write you and I thought we were doing well...but alas, here we are. 
While I do enjoy the advisably healthy use of my feetsubishi and shoebaru, I do at times like to grace your motor vehicular mode of transportation with my presence. A presence of which you are now taking for granted. I understand that you have to do your best to keep from paying the hefty 200 bob fines (bribes) that the policemen on our roads impose hence the resulting use of miscellaneous roads that show up on no known map. However, when you do use such roads please resist the temptation or urge to ask me to get off at a place that is not the stage I asked to get off at before I got in. I know not what animals lurk out there and you know not what animal lurks within me, we shall fight.
Also, maybe, possibly, perhaps it would be smart to make sure that your door doesn't fall of as we turn the corner on the round about, or maybe,possibly, perhaps your motor vehicle doesn't look like it's been smoking up all night and has come to work high.

Avid public transport user

Looking for a Lynching

Hi conductor,
just a second before you start yelling at me to get off. I'm pretty sure before i got on your sign said prestige, adams,satellite...and your echoing voice belowed,"ngong rd." not "obscure road no one knows"...so no im not getting off in the middle of no where at 8pm. I mean yes, I am a Christian but hey charity begins at home not in a bush getting robbed. Oh...just so you know i haven't forgotten that you tried to over charge me as if suddenly in this cold weather your buses have heating and ventilation with chairs that massage my gluts. Surely all these people on the bus can't be short sighted fools...we all saw 50/= on that sign before we got on. If i were you i would start by spelling lynch mob before i try to hike the price when everyone gets on. feel free to take my advice, I'm not using it.
an avid public transport user

ps. I may have saved your life...ref: lynch mob

SINA CHANGE

Dear Mr. Conductor,
I must confess that when I woke up this morning and rolled out of bed my only thought was how will i get at least one of you to reach into the depths of your heart, into that secret place where you keep the special insults for people that get on the jav without loose change and let it rip. That is why I decided that instead of looking for that 50 change that would make life easier for you (and me) I will go ahead and give you a 500 note and let you insult me long enough to make a 50bob materialize in my pocket. Yes sir that is the best incentive I have ever had in my whole life to look for a 50bob for the most deserving person in the world. I mean you only drop me at the right stage about 1/10 times and allow me the chance to walk the fat off, I mean who said telling me directly that I need to work out is the best way to go? And hey surely we can't expect you to be a lip reader (never mind the fact that my "shukisha" was audible to everyone else in the mat) why place such high expectations on you? I sincerely apologize I will be sure to mind my manners the next time i get on your mat...hey maybe next time I'll get on with 1000bob and see how much incentive that is.
Sincerely
an avid public transportation user (coz driving myself around is not as dramatic)