No space to displace

Mr. Conductor...

Let me ask you kindly. When you write on the side of your matatu 14seater/mtu14/ 14riders/watunguyas14 or what ever version you want and I get in and suddenly I'm sharing a seat with someone who is also sharing a seat with the person that was previously sitting next to me, should I be led to believe that one of us is not a seater/mtu/rider/mtunguya?? and if so...which one of us is it? Because if it's me i'd like to swiftly usher myself off your motor vehicle under claims of severe duress.

I know that this is the point at which you act like you have no idea what it is I'm talking about so let me refresh your memory. I got into your ride the other day and found myself seated in the back after a brief negotiation with your seats as to how long we were gonna struggle before they let me get through and set myself down comfortably. After this brief altercation where your seats reminded me just how big my rear end is I finally sit down only to turn and see a less than gentlemanly young man give me the "can you move?" face to which I replied by looking at the window that I was currently pressed against. "No young man, I cannot move. Perhaps you'd like to ask your conductor friend to hit the 'expand the backseat' button then I can find a way to make that space for you." To which this young man and his bony self decides he can make space.

Is your memory still blurred? Ok, I shall continue the story line. We in the back row (commonly known as the peanut gallery) start a visual debate on who is going to let this young man know it's not that he's not welcome it's that the average sitting allowance currently occupying the space can only allow a further occupancy the size of a toothpick. My eyes pulled the shortest straw. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I was the one feeling the biggest pinch. Apparently these days, mwanamke ni surface area na mimi ni mwanamke. SO I proceed, "excuse, now that you've sat on half my seat and as a result I'm having a love affair with the window, are you the one to incur the cost of all physical ailments caused by this situation? in simple terms are you paying my fare?"
To which he retorts, "ai madame si when ndio umenifinya!"
Urrrrrrrrmmmmmmm....